Author Archives: pages4days

Does Remote Work?

How hybrid models are limiting accessibility.

As I am writing this, I am in bed, propped up by five pillows and barely able to keep my eyes open. 

The fatigue is hitting me hard.

What you are reading is a heavily edited version that I have revisited when I can stay awake for more than five minutes.

Fortunately, I am on annual leave today so I don’t have to worry about work. But I’m already worried about being well enough to go into the office on Wednesday (it’s currently Monday).

The shift to remote working has given me access to the workplace in a way that wouldn’t have been possible before. Unless I dedicated my entire life to making sure I can go into work five days a week. And who wants that?

I am incredibly grateful that remote working has become the norm, however as everyone shifts back to the pre-pandemic way of life, hybrid working is taking over.

Naturally, most people see this as an ideal middle ground between working from home and being in the office. Avoid the daily commute but still get to see your co-workers a few times a week; it’s the best of both worlds.

Or at least it should be.

I thought this would be an ideal set up for me, but the reality is there’s more pressure to be well on a particular day every week.

This isn’t achievable when you’re chronically ill.

I cannot guarantee that I can always go into the office on the same day every week.

I might not be able to leave my house to go to work.

But that shouldn’t be a problem. 

We have ample evidence that remote work is both efficient and effective. So why is there such a push to go back into offices?

I’ll be the first to hold my hands up and say that, in my case, a lot of the pressure to be in the office is internalised. There has been no pressure from my employer, who has been incredibly accommodating. It is my fear that people will think I’m not trying hard enough.

That I don’t care. Or I’m lazy. Or any other of the million ableist messages that I’ve internalised. 

Working when you have a chronic illness is something of a minefield; one wrong move and it can all blow up.

But that doesn’t mean that it will. And there’s no point living as though it will.

All I can do is try my best to let go of all the internalised pressure and make my job work for me. Whether or not my coworkers think I’m lazy doesn’t change my reality. 

I know that I’m not and that my health places limitations on how I do my job.

That needs to be enough. 

I need to be enough.

However, the real problem is with work places reintroducing unnecessary requirements for employees to be in an office. The pandemic has shown how to successful remote working can be and given us methods to increase accessible opportunities for disabled people.

Remote work is the key to me being able to work full time. I cannot make it into an office 5 days a week, but I can make it to my laptop.

More and more job adverts are shifting to a required hybrid model, particularly at entry level, but this fails to consider situations where a fully remote work option may be the only accessible option.

I understand that a hybrid model may be most able-bodied people’s preference, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Advertising the flexibility of your hybrid model is great, but you need to make it clear just how flexible it really is.

By hybrid model, do you mean I must be in the office 2-3 times a week or can I come in only when I’m able?

If I need to work remotely 100% of the time, will that be a problem?

Because if so then your workplace isn’t as accessible as you may think it is.

~~~~~

Read more of my thoughts on disability and chronic illness here.

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Am I Disabled?

And who does or doesn’t count.

Chronic Illness:

As someone suffering from a chronic illness, whether or not I ought to consider myself disabled is difficult question to navigate.

When I was first diagnosed, it felt like a land-mine of a question, with so many conflicting opinions surrounding me. I was at a loss.

For a long time I had no idea what was wrong with me, how long it would last or how to manage it, and that had to take precedent over personal identity questions.

But that didn’t stop it always buzzing around my brain.

I have days where I can’t get out of bed because I’m in so much pain but I also have days where I can go about day-to-day life with minimal impact. So without a diagnosis and having a condition that’s constantly fluctuating, I had no idea where I stood.

When I need a stick, I definitely felt disabled, but when I was wearing heels and dancing in a club then no, I didn’t.

However, I ultimately realised that didn’t matter, what mattered was that my chronic illness was limiting my life.

It was disabling me.

And I don’t say that as either a good or a bad thing, I say that just as a fact. I had to stop running, I need grocery deliveries, sometimes I can’t cook my own meals. None of things are bad, they are just my reality.

So, yes, my chronic illness does make me disabled.

Autism:

This is the one I am still grappling with and truly do not have an answer for.

I know that a lot of autistic people consider themselves disabled, and I fully support that.

However, I am still very early on in identifying as autistic and figuring out what that means for me. It took me a long time to identify as disabled when I first became ill and so I am allowing myself the same time with autism.

There is no rush and no pressure to figure this out, and that’s something I have learned from experience.

Maybe in a year I will consider being autistic a disability, or maybe I won’t. Either way it’s fine, I’ll just wait and see how I feel as I figure out what it means to be autistic, for me.

So am I Disabled?

Yes. I am disabled.

I know this because my life is regularly altered by my health. I face various limitations as a result of chronic illness and wider society is not set up in a way that is always accessible to me.

But I also know this because it is how I feel comfortable identifying. For a long time I didn’t feel comfortable identifying as disabled, adn that was ok, I was still figuring my disability out.

Now I see labelling myself as disabled as useful and empowering. It allows me to tell others that I may have additional access needs and it lets me connect with other people that have similar experiences.

I am disabled. And that’s a good thing.

I Am Angry…and I am Sad…

The Disability Wage Gap in the UK

I started my current job in June and I have taken 5.5 sick days since I started because I have a chronic illness called Functional Neurological Disorder.

My workplace has a sick pay policy which means that during my first six months, if I exceed 5 sick days I no longer receive full pay, only half pay for any sick days taken.

I was informed of this after I had to take 2 sick days because I was having 20 seizures in a day. 

20 seizures. 

I think most people would take more than 2 days for that. But I knew that I couldn’t, I knew that taking more than two days wasn’t an option for me because my sick days are like rations that I have to carefully measure and parcel out only when I am on the brink of starving.

And that was before I was down to half pay. When it was only because I couldn’t have my employers thinking badly of me, believing I was slacking or lazy. Now it’s financial.

I earn a measly £21,000 salary and I live in one of the top ten most expensive places to in the UK, which means that losing half a day’s pay makes a noticeable dent in my monthly income. Ironically, the disability pay gap is also highest here, in the East of England.

I cannot afford to regularly lose out on half a day’s pay.

I also cannot change the reality of my disability.

It is unpredictable, uncontrollable and worsened by stress. So where does that leave me? It leaves me financially worse off. It leaves me earning less money because I am disabled.

Sick pay policies that reduce your earnings are ableist. By telling your employees that they will not receive full pay if they take too many sick days, you are discriminating against disabled employees.

Nobody can control when they get sick, and disabled people are even less able to prevent days off but this does not mean they cannot do their jobs or that they deserve to be paid less. 

I average at 1-2 sick days a month. This does not mean I cannot work full-time or that I cannot do my job, so why am I being paid less?

2020 research from the Trades Union Congress (TUC) shows that the current disability pay gap sits at 20% in the UK. Non-disabled female employees earn £1.53 per hour more than disabled female employees, and that’s without accounting for the impact of race (Louron Pratt, 2020).

This is the result of inaccessible work places, inflexible hours and discriminatory sick pay policies, as well as many other things.

Over 18% of the UK population suffer from a long-term illness, impairment or disability, that’s more than 10 million people, and those numbers are set to rise in the wake of the pandemic. Disabled people are the largest minority group in the UK.

So why aren’t we being paid the same as our able-bodied colleagues?

Why did I pay £35 to have 20 seizures in a day?

And why don’t people care?

***

References:

https://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/hr/edi/disability/facts/

Louron Pratt, 2020, https://employeebenefits.co.uk/disability-pay-gap/#:~:text=On%20average%2C%20non%2Ddisabled%20male,earn%20%C2%A310.20%20per%20hour.

Please Judge a Book by its Cover

Why a book cover can make me buy a book.

We all know the phrase ‘you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover’ and for most things in life this is true. But not for books.

Book designers labour over the appearance of a book, whether it means sprayed edges, the title font or an image. To completely disregard that time and effort would undermine the work all the staff in design and production do.

Book covers are important.

I love beautiful books. A beautiful book cover draws me in and prompts me to pick up the book. If a book cover is nice then it makes me want to own the books, plus a book cover can tell you so many things about a book.

Nine times out of ten, a book cover can tell me if a book is something I might want to read. There are trends in book cover design just as there are in the stories that are being published, which means that new books may have covers that mirror similar books that have seen success.

And more than anything else, I like owning beautiful books.

Maybe it’s a horrible consumerist ideology that’s infected my brain, maybe it’s a a performative need to show off how much I read. I think it’s just that I really love books.

Books make me happy and having a huge bookcase of beautiful books makes me even happier.

So because of all the hard work publishing people put into book covers, and because I love owning beautiful books, I will continue to judge a book by its cover.

And you should too.

Reading Goals: Take 2

An update on my current reading goal and how it’s changed my thoughts on them.

The Past:

At the end of last year, I set about deciding on a numerical reading goal to set for myself for 2021. (Find out my other goals here.)

I had managed to read 50 books during 2020 and I wanted to achieve the same in 2021, despite key changes in my life, including full-time work and a part-time MA, leaving me far busier than I had been in 2020.

To track my reading I use Storygraph, which I wrote a previous blog post on here. I set my official goal at 45 books but in my mind I still wanted to read 50.

I wanted to challenged myself to read as much as possible this year so I decided to set a high goal for myself even if I didn’t meet it.

Why not? It’s not as though there’d be any real consequences from not meeting my goal.

The Present:

I am 2 books behind my goal. And I am frustrated.

I desperately want to meet that goal of 45 (50) books this year but I just don’t think I can.

I am working, studying and I have chronic health issues so I just don’t have as much time to read anymore. And that’s fine.

I don’t need an arbitrary number hanging over my head, creating another item on my to-do list.

Reading is one of my favourite hobbies, so why am I turning it into a goal-driven task? I am putting more pressure on myself for not doing something that I enjoy because I am so busy with everything else.

Sometimes I just want to watch TV because I am knackered and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So screw the reading goals!

The Future:

….Sort of.

I am going to try to forget about how many books I’ve read but I am also going to keep tracking what I read.

I really like being able to look back on the types of books I’ve over a year and when I read more or less. I like being able to see trends in genres I read or whether I like long or short books (it’s actually medium for anyone wondering).

But I am going to let go of the pressure to read as much as possible and to always be reading more.

It doesn’t matter if I read 20 books in a year of 50 books in a year. What matters is that I enjoy reading.

So screw reading goals! (but also add me on Storygraph: my_literary_life)

Why can’t I stop watching Grey’s Anatomy?

It’s a Sunday evening, my girlfriend’s away and I have a few free hours with nothing to do, so how will I fill this time? I could read a book, bake a cake or do some creative writing, but do I choose to do any of these? No. I choose to sit down and start watching Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning again.

For those who don’t know, Grey’s Anatomy is a medical drama that started in 2005, following the staff at a fictional Seattle hospital. It has been incredibly successful, wracking up an impressive 380 episodes and season 18 set to air this week . Earlier this summer I decided the watch it for the first time, starting from the very beginning, and I quicky became obsessed. I watched it at a frankly unacceptable pace and would constantly bring it up in conversation, unable to think about much else.

Now I should clarify that it’s not unusual for me to marathon a TV show like this, it’s something that I will often do, however the extent to which Grey’s Anatomy was occupying my brain, was reaching an entirely different level. When I was watching the later seasons of the show, I was becoming nostalgic for the early seasons and already wanted to restart watching it from the beginning…..while I was still watching it.

So for those who haven’t figured it out yet, I am autistic. And Grey’s Anatomy had become a new special interest for me.

This is a pretty new revelation for me; self-diagnosing as autistic and waiting on a referral, but it has completely changed the way I understand myself and the things I do.

I’ve always felt slightly on the outside of things or as though there are a set of unwritten rules that I don’t quite understand, but it was ony after further reasearch that I realised I might be autistic. Women often present autistic traits very differently to men, which leaves a much lower rate of diagnosis and increased misunderstanding of what autism is.

This left me feeling very isolated when I was younger, developing a lot of anxiety and masking a lot of my natural behaviours in an attempt to fit in. This means that I am now gradually unpicking traits that I have long since learnt to mask.

One such trait is my incredible ability to marathon a TV show and learn everything there is to know about it. This is something I have always done with TV shows and movie franchises and seem unable to avoid. So why should I?

I’m sure there are lots of people who think it is a waste of time or useless information but if I enjoy it then I don’t see how it can be. I’ll be the first to hold my hands up and admit that my knowledge of Grey-Sloan Memorial is not exactly helping me out in life, but I also don’t care.

I am autistic and my special interest in Grey’s Anatomy makes me happy.

I know this has deviated from my usual book-related content, so let me know if this type of post is something you would like to see more of.

Thanks for reading!

Weekly Reading: 21/3/21

We interrupt your usual weekly posting with an unexpected reading slump.

Unfortunately, this has been a disappointing week when it comes to reading, I haven’t made it through a single book. I’ve hit a wall this week and my brain just won’t focus, not on a book, not on an audiobook, not even on a newsletter.

It’s been incredibly frustrating and I’ve really missed being able to sit down with a book but I’m trying to accept that my brain just needs a break. I’ve been busy, and a little stressed, so if that means my brain needs to rest then so be it. And hopefuly, I’ll be back to reading asap!

In the meantime, I’m hoping to throw myself into other things, currently it’s baking. And I’m still getting my literary fix through booktube, The Bookseller and bookstagram so I’m fully up to date on all the latest news and can still read plenty of reviews.

I hope to return to your usual weekly viewing next week, happy reading!

My Favourite Irish Authors

Happy St Patrick’s Day! I thought today would be a perfect opportunity to highlight some of my favourite Irish authors, some of whom I’ve probably already mentioned before.

After the Silence by Louise O’Neill

By now I’m sure I’ve mentioned Louise O’Neill’s work numerous times, but there was no way I could put together a list of titles by Irish authors and not include her. Although I would recommend any of her novels, I’ve chosen to include After the Silence in this list, as her most recent release.

After the Silence takes place on a small Irish island, twenty years after the unsolved murder of Nessa Crowley. A documentary team arrive to investigate the mystery around her death and everyone struggles to keep the past in the past.

Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan

If you hadn’t heard of Naoise Dolan before, then you probably have now. Her breakout novel, Exciting Times, was recently longlisted for the Women’s Prize for Fiction, and it’s easy to see why. Exciting Times is modern love story, filled with social commentary and written with a razor sharp wit.

Ava is a young TEFL teacher in Hong Kong and is torn between her relationship with emotionally distant Julian and Edith, who listens but makes her feel too much. Will she be able to move beyond seeing relationships as a power game? See my full review here.

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney

Sally Rooney experienced an overwhelming amount of success last year, after the popularity of the BBC adaptation of her novel, Normal People. However, you may have missed her earlier novel, Conversations with Friends. It is a highly intelligent novel about to ex-girlfriends who become entangled with a wealthy married couple. If you love Normal People, then definitely check this out.

Grown Ups by Marian Keyes

The queen of Irish fiction, Marian Keyes, has a wealth a work to pick from, but it’s her most recent novel that I’ve chosen to include. I listened to the audiobook of Grown Ups last summer and thoroughly enjoyed it. Keyes manages to tackle hugely important issues, such as eating disorders, whilst maintaining a light-hearted feel to her book.

Let me know who your favourite authors and titles are, I’m always looking for more recommendations! And follow this blog for updates every time I post.

Weekly Reading: 14th March 2021

We’ve reached the end of another week which means it’s time for another review of my weekly reading. This has been a good week for reading as I read 2 excellent books, several newsletters and a textbook for my MA.

This week there was no doubt about what would take the top spot:

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo!

This book was a birthday gift which turned out to be just what I needed this week.  The book is written in narrative verse which makes it both beatiful and easy-to-read. It is told from the perspective of Xiomara, a 15-year-old girl dealing with her family conflict by writing slam poetry.

This is beautiful story that takes on what it is to be a teenager with no control, trying to figure out who you are whilst you are forced into the wrong box.

This Week’s Runner Up….Memorial by Bryan Washington

This week I’ve also read Memorial by Bryan Washington. I read it to write a reader report for a freelance literary reader position that I’ve applied for. This means I read this very attentively, really considering my thoughts and feelings as I’m reading. I have a much better understanding of my opinion of the book after reading this way so I hope to approach books like this more often.

Honourable Mention: Leena Norm’s Newsletter

I recently signed up to Lenna Norm’s weekly newsletter and I’ve been really enjoying it. She’s worked in publishing and makes content about the industry and books, so subscribing to her newsletter has been a real joy. Check out her youtube channel here and her instagram here

I hope you enjoyed having a look at my weekly reading, follow my blog to get updates every time I post.

2021 Women’s Prize for Fiction Longlist

The 2021 Women’s Prize for Fiction longlist has just been announced and it includes some incredibles books. I thought I would run through which ones I’ve read (and my thoughts), which are on my tbr and which ones have been brought to my attention.

Read:

  • Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan

I first read Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan last summer and thoroughly enjoyed it. It follows Ava, a, Irish 22 year old TEFL teacher in Hong Kong, as she meets Julian, an English banker who likes to spend money on her. Then Julian goes to London and Ava meets Edith, who actually listens to her. Ava’s two worlds collide when Julian announces his return to Hong Kong. I found this novel strongly reminiscient of Sally Rooney’s work and thoroughly enjoyed it. Read my full review here.

  • The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett

I absolutely adored The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett when I read it last year. The novel spans 5 decades, from the 1950s to the 1990s, following the lives of twin sisters, and their daughters, who take very different paths in life. This novel explores issues of race, sexuality, identity and the controversial topic of passing. I would definitely recommend this book and I am thrilled it has been nominated. See my fully review here.

My To Be Read:

The following titles are the nominations that I want to prioritise reading. I’m hoping to read at least a couple of them before the shortlist is announced on April 28th. Ideally I would read them all, but even I know that’s probably too ambitious.

  • Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters

Detransition, Baby has been on my radar for a while now, having seen a lot of positive things about it. It deals with issues of sexuality, gender and forming an unconventional family. Read all about on the Women’s Prize for Ficiton website.

  • Small Pleasures by Clare Chambers

I can’t count how many times I’ve almost bought this book and it’s not quite made the cut. I definitely regret that now. Small Pleasures is set in 1957, following reporter Jean Swinney as she attempts to unravel the truth behind a claim of a virgin birth. Find out more here.

  • Burnt Sugar by Avni Doshi

Whenever I’m on the Waterstones website (which is too often), Burnt Sugar is a common recommendation. But for a reason I can’t explain, I was never compelled to read it, even after it was shortlisted for the 2020 Booker Prize. However, I have decided to listen to the universe and accept that this is a book I should read. It is described as a poison love story between mothers and daughters, find out why here.

  • Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi

I was vaguely aware of this title before the longlist announcement but I hadn’t taken the time to find out more about it. Now that I’ve looked into it more, it’s definitely on my tbr list. It’s a story of immigration, the opioid crisis and life in modern America. Read about it here.

  • Luster by Raven Leilani

I’ll hold my hands up to not knowing about this book until the longlist came out and it was all over twitter. However, after reading the blurb I knew I wanted to read it (plus the cover is gorgeous). It follows Edie, as she is thrust into a world of white suburbia and the life of a family with an adopted black daughter. The full description can be found here.

Undecided:

The below titles on the longlist are ones I haven’t made up my mind about yet. That’s not to say that I won’t read them or I don’t think they are worthy of a nomination. I simply haven’t been pushed to read them yet, whereas the ones mentioned above I know I want to read.

  • Because of You by Dawn French
  • Consent by Annabel Lyon
  • How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps her House by Cherie Jones
  • No One is Talking about This by Patricia Lockwood
  • Nothing but Blue Sky by Kathleen MacMahon
  • Piranesi by Susanna Clarke
  • Summer by Ali Smith
  • The Golden Rule by Amanda Craig
  • Unsettled Ground by Claire Fuller

Let me know your thoughts on the Women’s Prize for Fiction longlist this year. Are there any you aren’t impressed by? Or any titles you wish had made the cut?

And keep an eye out for the shortlist announcement on April 28th.