Am I Disabled?

And who does or doesn’t count.

Chronic Illness:

As someone suffering from a chronic illness, whether or not I ought to consider myself disabled is difficult question to navigate.

When I was first diagnosed, it felt like a land-mine of a question, with so many conflicting opinions surrounding me. I was at a loss.

For a long time I had no idea what was wrong with me, how long it would last or how to manage it, and that had to take precedent over personal identity questions.

But that didn’t stop it always buzzing around my brain.

I have days where I can’t get out of bed because I’m in so much pain but I also have days where I can go about day-to-day life with minimal impact. So without a diagnosis and having a condition that’s constantly fluctuating, I had no idea where I stood.

When I need a stick, I definitely felt disabled, but when I was wearing heels and dancing in a club then no, I didn’t.

However, I ultimately realised that didn’t matter, what mattered was that my chronic illness was limiting my life.

It was disabling me.

And I don’t say that as either a good or a bad thing, I say that just as a fact. I had to stop running, I need grocery deliveries, sometimes I can’t cook my own meals. None of things are bad, they are just my reality.

So, yes, my chronic illness does make me disabled.


This is the one I am still grappling with and truly do not have an answer for.

I know that a lot of autistic people consider themselves disabled, and I fully support that.

However, I am still very early on in identifying as autistic and figuring out what that means for me. It took me a long time to identify as disabled when I first became ill and so I am allowing myself the same time with autism.

There is no rush and no pressure to figure this out, and that’s something I have learned from experience.

Maybe in a year I will consider being autistic a disability, or maybe I won’t. Either way it’s fine, I’ll just wait and see how I feel as I figure out what it means to be autistic, for me.

So am I Disabled?

Yes. I am disabled.

I know this because my life is regularly altered by my health. I face various limitations as a result of chronic illness and wider society is not set up in a way that is always accessible to me.

But I also know this because it is how I feel comfortable identifying. For a long time I didn’t feel comfortable identifying as disabled, adn that was ok, I was still figuring my disability out.

Now I see labelling myself as disabled as useful and empowering. It allows me to tell others that I may have additional access needs and it lets me connect with other people that have similar experiences.

I am disabled. And that’s a good thing.

I Am Angry…and I am Sad…

The Disability Wage Gap in the UK

I started my current job in June and I have taken 5.5 sick days since I started because I have a chronic illness called Functional Neurological Disorder.

My workplace has a sick pay policy which means that during my first six months, if I exceed 5 sick days I no longer receive full pay, only half pay for any sick days taken.

I was informed of this after I had to take 2 sick days because I was having 20 seizures in a day. 

20 seizures. 

I think most people would take more than 2 days for that. But I knew that I couldn’t, I knew that taking more than two days wasn’t an option for me because my sick days are like rations that I have to carefully measure and parcel out only when I am on the brink of starving.

And that was before I was down to half pay. When it was only because I couldn’t have my employers thinking badly of me, believing I was slacking or lazy. Now it’s financial.

I earn a measly £21,000 salary and I live in one of the top ten most expensive places to in the UK, which means that losing half a day’s pay makes a noticeable dent in my monthly income. Ironically, the disability pay gap is also highest here, in the East of England.

I cannot afford to regularly lose out on half a day’s pay.

I also cannot change the reality of my disability.

It is unpredictable, uncontrollable and worsened by stress. So where does that leave me? It leaves me financially worse off. It leaves me earning less money because I am disabled.

Sick pay policies that reduce your earnings are ableist. By telling your employees that they will not receive full pay if they take too many sick days, you are discriminating against disabled employees.

Nobody can control when they get sick, and disabled people are even less able to prevent days off but this does not mean they cannot do their jobs or that they deserve to be paid less. 

I average at 1-2 sick days a month. This does not mean I cannot work full-time or that I cannot do my job, so why am I being paid less?

2020 research from the Trades Union Congress (TUC) shows that the current disability pay gap sits at 20% in the UK. Non-disabled female employees earn £1.53 per hour more than disabled female employees, and that’s without accounting for the impact of race (Louron Pratt, 2020).

This is the result of inaccessible work places, inflexible hours and discriminatory sick pay policies, as well as many other things.

Over 18% of the UK population suffer from a long-term illness, impairment or disability, that’s more than 10 million people, and those numbers are set to rise in the wake of the pandemic. Disabled people are the largest minority group in the UK.

So why aren’t we being paid the same as our able-bodied colleagues?

Why did I pay £35 to have 20 seizures in a day?

And why don’t people care?



Louron Pratt, 2020,,earn%20%C2%A310.20%20per%20hour.

Please Judge a Book by its Cover

Why a book cover can make me buy a book.

We all know the phrase ‘you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover’ and for most things in life this is true. But not for books.

Book designers labour over the appearance of a book, whether it means sprayed edges, the title font or an image. To completely disregard that time and effort would undermine the work all the staff in design and production do.

Book covers are important.

I love beautiful books. A beautiful book cover draws me in and prompts me to pick up the book. If a book cover is nice then it makes me want to own the books, plus a book cover can tell you so many things about a book.

Nine times out of ten, a book cover can tell me if a book is something I might want to read. There are trends in book cover design just as there are in the stories that are being published, which means that new books may have covers that mirror similar books that have seen success.

And more than anything else, I like owning beautiful books.

Maybe it’s a horrible consumerist ideology that’s infected my brain, maybe it’s a a performative need to show off how much I read. I think it’s just that I really love books.

Books make me happy and having a huge bookcase of beautiful books makes me even happier.

So because of all the hard work publishing people put into book covers, and because I love owning beautiful books, I will continue to judge a book by its cover.

And you should too.